dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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