i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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