dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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