somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
