Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
