You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
