brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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