saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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