does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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