Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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