i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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