this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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