Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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