I wish my penis had an off switch
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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