if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
