This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
