I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
