best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
whose parrot is this?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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