i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
