I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think i got beer on your cat.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
