At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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