you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
