when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
