I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Found the puke drawer
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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