How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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