Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
