I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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