I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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