for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
