Pappa wants mamma naked
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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