I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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