No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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