Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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