Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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