when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
