Your tits are I can't wait for
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
