We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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