im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
soo... how was my night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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