Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
