The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
