About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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