i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
