Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
