I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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