i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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