i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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