dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
