how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
