Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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