I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
