If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
