Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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