Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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