oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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