So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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