I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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