She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
