Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
