wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
