I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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