Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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