My boss' voice literally gives me gas
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
