my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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