Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
