I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
