ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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