The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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