Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
