Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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