she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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