i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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