No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
