Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
