a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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