I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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